Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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