so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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