Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
