if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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