apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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