I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
