after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Randomize
