That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
