Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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