the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I think my moral compass just broke
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