the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
