also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
