They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
