Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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