i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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