I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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