i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
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Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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