first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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