i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Come see our sink grown plant.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
