So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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