I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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