he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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