Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
