Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
