I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
