I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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