so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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