hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
