Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She has the best kind of daddy issues
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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