sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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