im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
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He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
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I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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