I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize