my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
