I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
