While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
