note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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