i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
