i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
