I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
