i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
