There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Who did Billy Mays play for?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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