Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
