i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
