He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
