i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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