i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
