just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
