Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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