You smell like stripper and shame
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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