you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
All the doctor said was why
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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