Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
