i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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