Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
