I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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