think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
