can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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