Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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