You just made me feel so damn special
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
