i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
