Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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