I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
