I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
