I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
